


First Love

by BeastOfTheSea



Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: Kakusei | Fire Emblem: Awakening
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Oneshot, femmeslash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-29
Updated: 2014-05-29
Packaged: 2018-01-27 02:14:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1711280
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BeastOfTheSea/pseuds/BeastOfTheSea
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lissa develops strange new feelings for her best friend in the wake of the Plegian War.</p>
            </blockquote>





	First Love

**Author's Note:**

> I apologize in advance.

Maribelle felt so nice.

Lissa kept her face buried in her friend's shoulder, letting herself drift. She didn't have to put on some act of being strong here. Maribelle didn't look down upon her if she cried that she couldn't take it anymore; Maribelle didn't give her a look of disdain if she wept over Emmeryn's death; Maribelle didn't look at her as though she was nothing more than a stupid child if she whimpered that all she wanted to do was go _home_ , away from this war, and then maybe wake up from it all and find that Ylisse and Plegia were at peace and Emmeryn had never died…

Maribelle's arms tightened around her, and she let out a whimper of relief. Everything was all right here. She didn't have to fear screwing up in front of some guy she liked. She didn't have to cringe at the flicker of contempt in someone's eyes – _so stupid, so irresponsible, such a childish_ brat– the moment before they forced themselves to smile pleasantly at her and pretend to defer to her for no reason other than her birth. She didn't have to dread every minute that ticked by, feeling an ambush creeping up around every corner, expecting to hear Robin calling them all to battle any moment…

And if she started to cry, she could, and Maribelle would not think less of her for it. "Oh, _darling_ ," her friend murmured; one hand reached up to stroke her hair. "It will be all right. I promise."

"I know," she said weakly, tears leaking from her eyes. "I-I'm so glad you're here, Maribelle." An arm unwrapped from around her waist, and a handkerchief flashed before her eyes before she even had a chance to ask for one. "Th-thank you…"

"Anything to make you happier, darling," Maribelle said, resting her cheek against Lissa's. "Anything."

 

* * *

 

The war with Plegia had ended. Everyone, even the Plegians, thought of Emmeryn as a hero – _the_ hero, perhaps, since the war could have gone on a lot longer without her final speech. Everybody in the army had made it back home, safe and sound.

Lissa _should_ have been happy, except…

Nightmares still haunted her – still wrenched her awake from dreams where a bandit's axe came whistling down, or a mage's fire burned away the world. Half-memories of comrades lying in pools of their own blood and loved ones crumpled unmoving on trampled, lifeblood-stained earth flashed into her mind without warning and left her gagging. And, after the worst of the dreams, she was left crying for hours afterward at the vision of Emmeryn, brought back horribly as one of those "Risen", staggering towards her with decaying flesh hanging off in tatters and crimson coals glowing in her eye-sockets, gurgling in a sepulchral voice about what a _disappointment_ she was –

And when the morning came, she could meet with Maribelle to sob out her many nightmares, and her friend would always be able to say something – that _meant_ something, and wasn't just a bunch of nonsense that was supposed to make her feel well – that soothed her fears and calmed her roiling nausea, and gave her a measure of peace. And Maribelle, dear Maribelle, somehow _always_ had infinite patience with her stupid, childish terrors and awful weakness.

"There's no 'patience' needed, Lissa," Maribelle would tell her gently. "You're only human. And your heart is far too tender for the horrors of the battlefield. You've every reason to be troubled."

"I bet _you_ never have nightmares, Maribelle," she'd mumbled once, shamed by her friend's resilience.

Out of the corner of her eye, she'd seen the kindly smile vanish from Maribelle's face, and her fingers involuntarily clench around her parasol. "I… no. I do. I most certainly do."

"Really?" She'd lifted her head; Maribelle had gone a pale, sickly shade of green. "But – when you get them, what do _you_ see?"

Maribelle had swallowed several times before answering. "I… I would rather not discuss them, darling." Her gaze had fixed itself upon Lissa's face desperately, as though even an instant of looking away risked her vanishing whole into the ether. "I… Please, I…"

"Oh, Maribelle, I'm so _sorry_!" she'd cried, flinging herself upon her friend. "Just forget I said anything! I wasn't thinking – I didn't meant to get to you like that –"

"It's – It's all right, darling," Maribelle had said, her arms shutting Lissa up in an embrace far tighter than normal; her hands clutched at Lissa as though she needed confirmation that she was real. "They're… they're nothing. Simply nonsense. Mere… nightmares." She had seemed to be talking halfway to herself as she had gone on. "That's all they are. Nothing else. That's all they'll ever be." Her arms had tightened convulsively around Lissa, and in a low, choked whisper, she had continued, "That's all I'll ever _let_ them be."

That had been all she'd been willing to say. Lissa had offered to hear out whatever was haunting her sleep – do her best to comfort Maribelle the way Maribelle had comforted _her_ – but Maribelle had refused, just insisting that they were nothing. "You're already combatting the nightmares," she'd muttered in such a low, quiet voice that Lissa hadn't been sure that Maribelle meant for her to hear her. Or that she knew she was talking out loud. "Just the way you are."

 

* * *

 

With the passage of time, Lissa no longer clung to Maribelle to make her way past the nightmares, and at last returned to being around Maribelle because she _wanted_ it rather than _needed_ it. And… she did really want it. It was… nice.

Nice in a different way than with everyone else. She liked teaching things to Donny, or working with Gregor to overcome her fears ("Oy, I think we are going to be being at this for a very long time, no?"), or failing at teaching Frederick how to slack off – okay, more _attempting_ to teach him to slack off than the failing part – but… Maribelle was different. And not just in a best-friend way. She… wasn't sure how to put it. It was nice, really nice, and it just felt so good she couldn't even really be scared about it. Even though she knew something was strange here, and something had changed since before the war. It bothered her sometimes, but – shouldn't she just be glad to be this happy?

And it wasn't making her stupid or anything. In fact, it was making her notice more things. Like Maribelle being really graceful. She was – it was hard to describe – she – Well, she made even _sipping tea_ look like a work of art. Lissa was dimly aware that it was a really weird thought. Like, really, _really_ weird. Are-you-sure-you're-feeling-okay kind of weird. But she did! And – well, she'd always been _graceful_. But this graceful? This elegant and refined? She must have been totally out of it before. Maybe people had a point when they told her she didn't notice things.

It was – it was just – She had to make an effort not to stare. That was embarrassing, but it was okay. It was just something she needed to work on. And maybe Maribelle didn't mind her staring? …Much? Because sometimes she smiled at Lissa, and…

She had a really pretty smile. And it made Lissa flush and look away, and she wasn't sure _why_. It just felt so nice – she should have wanted to look at it, right? But it felt _too_ good, and – it was hard to take in all that feeling-good at once. Stupid. She didn't really understand why. But that was how it was.

…And it bothered her, sometimes, that maybe those smiles weren't reserved for her. It made her guts twist up into a tight, cold knot. The mere thought made her sick. The thought that, maybe, some boy would see that smile aimed at _him_ and take Maribelle's hand and smile back at her –

It would make her want to puke, except that her chest was clenched up too tight for her to puke. So she just felt like she wanted to die. It felt like it would be better for a dragon to fall out of the sky and crush her than for her to see Maribelle giggling and blushing and aiming her lovely smile at some young man, and some young man to return that smile right back. It just would. She'd be better off dead than seeing that. Anything but that.

And she didn't even know why. Maribelle had always been the one who was jealous and afraid of people who got near her, not the other way around. She'd sighed over Maribelle doing that. She'd never understood it. _She_ knew that the two of them would always be friends – the best of friends. That wouldn't change if – It _wouldn't_ change if Maribelle got interested in someone, it wouldn't. Of course not! They'd still be friends. Everything would – everything would be the same as always. That was all. She shouldn't be bothered about it at all.

But when she watched Maribelle with this new acute perception, and she saw Maribelle looking shy or dreamy or… _longing_ in an unguarded moment – and she wondered if Maribelle was thinking about some boy –

It made her guts twist up so badly that she had to look away, and sometimes she had to beg off because she wasn't feeling so good so she could curl up in a corner, away from anyone else, and hug herself to try to patch up the cold, sick emptiness inside.

She didn't know what was going on with her. It didn't bother her most of the time, since it just felt so _good_ to be around Maribelle that all the worries in the world seemed to go away, and, whenever they were apart, the mere _thought_ of seeing Maribelle again filled her with excitenment and giddiness. How could she mind that? She was almost grateful to be feeling that way. But, when she stopped to think about it –

She was just so _confused_.

And if this was how Maribelle had felt about her all this time, she thought one night as she clutched her pillow and curled around it for comfort – she was sorry for every single time she'd giggled at a boy and tried to catch the eye of some handsome young man. She was sorry for never understanding why Maribelle was so possessive, she was sorry for not being with her more often, she was sorry for not paying more attention to her – she was sorry, she was sorry, she was _sorry_.

This _hurt_.

 

* * *

 

"Uh, hey, Maribelle?" Lissa fussed with the ruffled edges of her dress, doing anything but meeting her friend's eyes. "Say, is there someone – anyone – you like? I mean – _really_ like? Like-like?"

Maribelle's pause went on for too long. "I… What brought this on, darling?"

"It's nothing! Nothing at all! I don't know what would make you say that… It's just that you've been, um, looking like there's someone on your mind." Lissa forced a smile, but she couldn't make herself look at Maribelle. She couldn't bear to see the guilty flash on her face. She couldn't. Her gut felt more knotted than a ship's rope. "So! Who is he?"

"I – Darling, there's no "he". I… don't quite know how you got this idea." But she could hear the anxiety and fear of discovery in Maribelle's voice – and it made her feel horrible to admit it to herself, but the knowledge of what that implied hurt even worse than hearing her friend in distress. It. _Hurt_. "But – I swear there's no man or boy in my life, Lissa, darling. There's only –"

"There's no need to lie to make me feel better." The words came out unexpectedly bitter, and Lissa was briefly taken aback; but the pain drove her on, and swamped her surprise before she could give more than a moment's thought to it. "I mean, I know we both have lots of other people in our lives, and I've been telling you all along that it doesn't affect our friendship. Right? Right! So I'm not surprised at all." Her fists were shaking in her lap. When had they become fists? Must have happened without her noticing it. "I – I'm happy for you, really. I mean, you have someone other than me now. He'll make you happy. And that's great! We'll be friends, just the same as we've ever been, and –" She broke off, swallowing hard repeatedly as she tried to find the words. Right – she was supposed to be happy for Maribelle. She really ought to be happy for Maribelle. Hadn't she been encouraging Maribelle to do this all along? Reach out, make new friends, and meet new people? This was just the inevitable result of that. Maribelle wasn't just going to be her devoted best friend, thinking only of her and of nobody else, forever. If she'd ever thought otherwise, it was just because she was young and dumb, just like everyone thought she was. Stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid. And she was going to be good, and actually care about her friend, and stop being dumb and just accept it for what it was.

Some people would say that was noble of her. There was nothing noble about this. She felt like she was reaching into her guts and tearing them out through her chest.

"Lissa, I – Lissa –" Maribelle sounded distraught. She didn't want Maribelle to be distraught because of her. That was the exact opposite of what she wanted. She wanted Maribelle to go off and be happy, and to – and to just leave her alone for a while to be miserable. Gods but this _hurt_. "Darling, I swear, it isn't like that – it's not that at all. Oh, darling…" Her gloved hands reached down to wrap around Lissa's tightened fists; Lissa tensed up, but didn't have the strength to resist. _I don't want you to feel sorry for me. I don't want to bother you. I just want to be alone – alone, because I'm stupid, and I didn't think, and I want you to be happy_ – "I swear there's nobody else. There's just you. There's never been anyone but you."

And those words made her feel so _happy_ – she just wanted to sniffle and ask Maribelle if she really meant it and then hug her until she begged for air – but they weren't _true_. Because she'd heard the nervousness and the caution in Maribelle's voice, and she'd seen Maribelle's face filled with happiness and affection the way Chrom's was when he was thinking about his wife, and – "Maribelle… just admit it. There's someone on your mind. I can tell." She swallowed hard. There was a lump in her throat. "I've watched you. I've seen the way you look when you think I'm not looking. I'm not stupid, you know." A laugh came out of her unwillingly. "Okay, maybe I am, but not about that. Much. Come on, Maribelle – I won't hold it against you or anything. Just tell me. I'm…" She had to swallow again. "I'm fine with whatever you say…"

"Oh, _darling_." Maribelle dropped one of her hands, but only so she could stroke a stray lock of hair away from her face. "Darling, you shouldn't worry yourself so. I…" Her hand lingered on Lissa's cheek; Lissa leaned her face against it, taking discomforting comfort in it. She should have just had the strength to tell Maribelle to not worry _herself_ and go off and hang around the boy she liked. She should have done that, rather than indulge in Maribelle being around _her_. "Oh, darling. There's no one on my mind but you." Maribelle sighed and rested her forehead against Lissa's. "There's never been anyone on my mind but you, darling. I swear it."

"Then why–"

Maribelle kissed her.

It was gentle, and light, and fleeting; it had ended before Lissa even knew what was happening, and left her bewildered and with her mouth open – in protest or to ask for more, she didn't know. "What? I-I- Maribelle?"

"You didn't mind, did you?" Maribelle asked, her hand still on Lissa's cheek; her eyes gazed at her with infinite tenderness and affection. Lissa bit her lip as she tried to think of her answer.

"I – I'm not – I don't know – I'm not sure what – Can you do that again?" She felt her cheeks burning at the question. "I mean, maybe then, I can figure that out –"

Maribelle obliged. And it – it felt _weird_ , and she was awkward (but not Maribelle, not Maribelle, never Maribelle), but –

When they separated, she was blushing clear back to her ears, she was too dazed to even _think_ about being unhappy, and she just _couldn't_ wipe a grin off her face no matter how hard she tried. It probably looked gawky and dumb, but she just couldn't stop. And maybe that wasn’t so bad; Maribelle was smiling, too, and so hard that it looked like it hurt.

"Oh, _darling_ ," she said. "Oh, _darling_."

"I – I don't understand," Lissa stammered. "I – I like it, and –" And the grief and misery had dropped away, and she was just so _relieved_ and happy, but – She ducked her head, suddenly shy and acutely self-conscious. "I mean – what are we doing? I don't understand."

"We're…" Maribelle gestured vaguely with the hand that wasn't still resting against Lissa's face. "We're… being two people who – how did you say it? – really like each other, Lissa. _Truly_ like. Is there anything wrong with that?"

"I… I don't think so, but… I thought only a boy and a girl could do that?" Lissa looked away awkwardly. "Don't get me wrong, I… I…" One of her hands grabbed onto Maribelle's free hand and squeezed it as tightly as she could. "I – I – I mean, whatever we're doing here, I don't mind it at all, but – how _can_ we? Neither of us is a boy, so… um. I guess I'm just being… dumb or something."

Maribelle sighed. "I…" Her hand patted Lissa's cheek. "I don't think you're being foolish at all, darling, but… I know how I've felt – how I feel about you. I don't know what else to say about it. I know some people would say it's wrong, and that most people would…" She trailed off, but then her voice picked up again. "I've given a great deal of thought to it, darling, and yet… I love you, and that's the truth of it. I can't change that, and I never will. And… it would seem you feel something like that for me?" Her voice lifted up hopefully at the end.

"I…"

Lissa's face flushed anew as the word clicked into place. "Yes. I – I think I do, Maribelle. I – I mean, I l- I –"

She threw her arms around Maribelle and seized her to her, burying her face in Maribelle's curls and hugging her harder than she thought she ever had. "Oh, Maribelle. I love you too." She drew her embrace yet tighter. "I love you, I love you, I love you, and I don't care what anyone else thinks. To heck with them! Let's be together always. Oh, Maribelle…"

Maribelle made a slight coughing sound, wriggling as much as she could within Lissa's passionate embrace. "Ah – D-Darling – I – I truly do appreciate your enthusiasm – more than words can express – But – you're crushing me –" 

 

* * *

 

"Maribelle?"

"Mm?"

"This invasion from Valm… doesn't it feel like a repeat of the Plegian invasion?"

Maribelle was silent. Seemingly against her own volition, she nodded. "I suppose all invasions feel similar," she said at last. "Why… what's on your mind, darling?"

"I'm just – afraid." She squeezed Maribelle's hand. "It's just… it's always the common people who suffer worst when things like these happen, and…" She could barely name her greatest fear, out of dread that saying it might make it come to pass. "Well… I mean… last time, when there was a war… Emmeryn…"

"Ah." Maribelle turned to her and half-hugged her with her free arm, while their hands remained interlinked. "It's all right, darling. Chrom is a great warrior. I'm sure he'll be fine."

"I know, but…" Lissa buried her face in Maribelle's shoulder. "I just… I'm so afraid…"

"You should worry for yourself. You're always so thoughtless for yourself and concerned for others, and when you rush up to the front lines to heal the injured, while arrows and javelins are still flying across the field –"

"I'm careful! I don't get into the range of the enemy, don't worry. Robin wouldn't let me." Lissa huffed. "Besides, you're not one to talk, are you? You're usually right there beside me, except that you move a lot quicker towards those _front lines_ on your horse–"

"I've been studying magic, darling. It won't be long now before any miscreant who aims a weapon at me lives to regret it." Maribelle sighed. "I do wish you'd study a bit more rather than practicing with that awful axe…"

"Yeah, but… Emmeryn was the scholar. She… she was a lot better at magic than I'd ever be." And it reminded her of Emmeryn. That was a lot closer to the truth of why she couldn't bear to touch the tomes, ability or not.

"Oh, darling…" Maribelle patted her on the back. "I'm sorry to have reminded you. I just – it worries me so desperately to think of you in the thick of combat. I only meant that, if you used magic, you'd be able to stay a bit further away–"

"I know. I know you're concerned for me, and I'm sorry to worry you like that, I really am." Lissa smiled. "It'll be okay, though. I'll be fine. After all, I'll have you with me, right?"

 


End file.
